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Pets: The Wild Kind


Just because we moved out to the country a couple years back does NOT mean we want to run a farm. Tending to animals is just not how we want to spend our time. We don't want cows or sheep or chickens. We don't want hogs or ducks. We don't even want a dog or a cat to train.

OK, so my wife says that she wants a cat, but that's only because she knows I won't have anything to do with it. I suspect that if I ever said, "OK, you win. Let's get a cat", she would run screaming down the stairs pulling at her hair and just keep on running... causing damage to the stairway carpet, not to mention the window at the bottom of the staircase.

We don't want a parrot or a rabbit or a hamster or even a mouse.

But when you live in the country, you have pets, whether you like it or not.

The first summer, we were welcomed by Muffet the skunk. Although she never responded to that name, we let her keep it. She just loved our compost heap. In fact, she had a frequent-eater pass at the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

The second summer we were skunk-free, but this summer we were blessed with a new traveling perfume salesman. We did not name him, but we have determined that he is on a diet. He stays away from the all-you-can-eat compost buffet.

He is also much less intelligent than Muffet. When we see him, we jump and shout and wave our hands to get his attention,. But we usually have to get his attention three or four times before something in his microbe-sized brain clicks in and says, "Wait a minute. That's not the hot dog vendor beckoning me to clean up his leftovers. Maybe I should turn around."

But he is smart enough provide a two-tier burglar deterent. First, he drives them away with his odor. "Peee-ew. Let's go rob the Jensons down the road." Second he digs thousands of tiny pits all over the lawn to trip any burglar foolish enough to try to escape.

And to answer your question, no I did not personally verify the gender of these skunks. But you are free to check if you doubt my word.

This summer, we discovered an exotic spider (See http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net/spider.html). Painted on its inch-long black back are two bright yellow eyes. Spooky. We even watched it wrap its prey - a small, light brown flying thingy. With amazing speed, the spider scurried from the center of her web toward the helpless victim at least a foot away. Then in a matter of two seconds flat, the spider spun the fly around three or four times, weaving it into a web cocoon like rolling a corpse in a carpet behind Luigi's Fine Finer and Smokes. No gangster could have operated with one tenth the speed.

Just a few hours ago, I was proud to show off a bees nest over a foot tall hanging from a low branch in our One Acre Woods.

"Wow. It's just like in Winnie the Pooh!" That was Little Lady, now 3 years and 3 months old.

"Destroy it. There must be thousands of bees in there!" That was my wife.

The fact is that I have had to destroy four bees nests in the past three weeks, all between the stones in our foundation. I am not keen to drive the bees away from their forest nest and toward the house. In fact, I think I'll post an arrow sign near the house pointing to the forest: "Cheap rent. Spacious hive. Vibrant community."

So far, we've avoided the pets inside the house - we won't discuss the "storm trooper ants incident" or the midnight mouse-trap peanut-butter visits - and we have kept the hogs and sheep at bay (although the chickens sheepishly crawl through the fence and the stray cats like to run hog wild around our land).

No pets, perhaps. But you still have to share your space with skunks and spiders and bees when you live in the country.

Coming soon to a humor column near you: How I adopted 14,673 cluster flies on a Tuesday afternoon....without even breaking into a sweat.

About The Author

David Leonhardt publishes The Happy Guy humor column.

Visit his home page: http://www.thehappyguy.com

David is owner of The Liquid Vitamin Supplements Store: http://www.vitamin-supplements-store.net

Info@thehappyguy.com


MORE RESOURCES:

Pets - Google News

Canine changes; Pet owners fear licensing costs will rise after takeover - Record-Searchlight


Canine changes; Pet owners fear licensing costs will rise after takeover
Record-Searchlight
Pet licensing in Shasta County will be privatized by next year. Curtis Martin runs Wednesday with his dog Jemma on Market Street. A change in the Shasta County Animal shelter's licensing program prompted by Haven Humane Society's eventual takeover ...

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Why People Don't Fix Their Pets - Patch.com


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Why People Don't Fix Their Pets
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February is Spay/Neuter Awareness Month and veterinarians and advocates have answers and aid for unsure pet owners. By Therra C. Gwyn Millions of kittens (and puppies) end up homeless on the streets and in shelters because of the problem of pet ...
Sex and the Kitty: Discounted pet spay/neuters during FebruaryExaminer.com
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Pets of the WeekSt. Augustine Record
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Pet limit and rooster ban on Coast - Fraser Coast Chronicle


Pet limit and rooster ban on Coast
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Sunset clauses have been built into new laws governing keeping pets and poultry on the Fraser Coast to protect existing pet owners. Under the new Local Laws residents can keep two cats and two dogs. If they wish to keep more cats or dogs they will have ...

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Northeast Ohio pet owners want fast FDA action on pet treats from China - Plain Dealer


Plain Dealer

Northeast Ohio pet owners want fast FDA action on pet treats from China
Plain Dealer
Sherrod Brown WASHINGTON, DC - Candace Thaxton of Westlake believes that tainted chicken jerky pet treats from China killed her 10-year-old pug, Chansey, last year and sickened the five-month-old puppy her family got to replace it.
Concerns about potentially tainted pet treatsWTAM.com
Brown, Kucinich Seek FDA Action to Protect Dogs From 'Tainted' TreatsCleveland News - Fox 8

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Baby on the way? Make time to prepare your pet - Chronicle-Telegram


Baby on the way? Make time to prepare your pet
Chronicle-Telegram
Experts say the countdown should include prep time for pets too. A baby changes everything for a pet — from how its home looks, smells and sounds to what the rules are. Low energy, friendly, social dogs are the most adaptable pets, while independent, ...

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Pets and Cancer -- Pet loss, the death of a pet - Stamford Times


Pets and Cancer -- Pet loss, the death of a pet
Stamford Times
By Gerald Post, DVM, DACVIM The death of a pet can be devastating. Pets are more than just pets nowadays; they are family members, friends, and trusted companions. When they die, we experience grief and it is a very natural emotion.

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Winterize Your Pet With the Royal Treatment - Huffington Post


Care2.com

Winterize Your Pet With the Royal Treatment
Huffington Post
Global warming may exist, but winter is still upon us, and our pets can feel the chill. A pet on the lap is a simple and wonderful way to lower heating bills, but what can we do to reduce their risk of illness from the tolls of winter?
Big Pets Get Bigger: Latest Survey Shows US Dog and Cat Obesity Epidemic ExpandingMarketWatch (press release)
Most American Pets are Too FatCare2.com
Confused.com guides pet owners through the minefield of pet insuranceWebWire (press release)

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MiniChip(TM) in February for Pet Dental Health Month - MarketWatch (press release)


MiniChip(TM) in February for Pet Dental Health Month
MarketWatch (press release)
OAKVILLE, ONTARIO, Feb 06, 2012 (MARKETWIRE via COMTEX) -- Pethealth Inc. /quotes/zigman/39120 CA:PTZ +1.85% - With veterinary clinics and animal welfare practitioners across the country promoting Pet Dental Health month this February, Pethealth Inc.

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Pet Dental Care - NTV


MyFox Washington DC

Pet Dental Care
NTV
February is National Pet Dental Care Month. At what age in our pet's life should we start to be concerned about dental care? As soon as possible while your pet is still young. Know what its teeth and mouth look like, get it accustomed to having its ...
5 Best Ways to Keep Your Pet's Teeth HealthyPaw Nation
A Bite as Healthy as Their BarkWall Street Journal

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Pet Travel Announces Partnership with Datamars - Houston Chronicle


Pet Travel Announces Partnership with Datamars
Houston Chronicle
Pet Travel has offered microchips and scanners to traveling pet owners for over 5 years. Through a recent partnership with Datamars, a global leader in pet identification, these devices will be available to vets, breeders, shelters and other businesses ...

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